I can feel myself spiraling and I don’t know how to make it stop.

I just don’t know what the fuck to do with my life anymore. I definitely feel like I’m at a standstill. Summer classes have started, my plans for having the boy I like by my side for the summer have totally not panned out at all. Except for the fact that I will probably be hanging out with him literally all freaking summer long. But just as friends. So woo. I’m already having anxiety over failing my classes and failing my parents again. I did get an offer to work at the VERY nice restaurant in the AU Hotel so I’m hoping maybe I’ll meet some more friends and maybe a potential bf there? But what if that’s just another disappointment waiting to happen? What if I suck as a server and make crap tips and then I can’t earn enough money to make up the difference in tuition in the fall? But the thing that frustrates me the most is the boy thing. I just genuinely don’t understand it. I understand just not being attracted to someone, but I don’t understand why you aren’t attracted to me. Maybe that sounds conceited, but it’s true. I want to hate you for not being attracted to me, but that would be so freaking hypocritical. I do want to know who gave you the right to look so goddamn good looking all the time. Seriously, not fair at all. Please, just let me list all the reasons why we’d be perfect together. Okay, so we wouldn’t be perfect but we’d be really fucking great. And I wish I could just get the lady balls to grab you and kiss you one day so you can have the realization that you love me, but I’m really clumsy and awkward and short and would probably end up injuring someone or just make a fool out of myself. Most likely both.I want to say that everything will be okay and I’ll get over you and it’ll be great. But I can’t. Because I’m pretty sure I really fucking love you and I’m in some serious shit right now. There, I said it. I’m in love with you. And I really don’t know how to deal with that.

at least when you are hanging out with yourself, you get to pick the music

falloutyoungmale:

I write sins not five page research papers